My friend asked me what it means to be loved all the way through. He asked how I want to be loved.
I’ve been seeing 11:11 and 11:23 (my birthday) almost every day. I take it as the Universe’s way of telling me that she is ready to give what I ask for. Here is my manifesto on how I want to be loved.
I will find someone who embodies water.
Someone who will seep into my pained body with the goodness of their heart, and dilute my salty tears with the purity of their soul.
Who understands what it means to be in motion. They will know how the river flows into the ocean, just as knowledge feeds into our being; they will know how the tide comes and goes, just as hardship appears and disappears.
They will be a refreshment in my life. Just like an oasis in the desert or the condensed air turned into early morning dew, they will be there in my time of need and in my time of creation. And as will I, for them. I will swim with them in the calmness of the waves as well as in the violent turmoil of a storm. We may crash throughout time and space, but through hard work and acceptance, we will become one.
I want them to caress my body like rain, vulnerabilities visible. I want them to make me flow at the touch of their hands. I want to shiver at their presence, and take in their holiness.
There will be no start or finish. We will just exist, as we be. Us as one that creates our own protected ecosystem. Us as one that addresses the traumas of our lives and turning them into soft sand that soils the rest. Us as one that invites others from all walks of life, from those who seek thrill to those who seek solitude in loneliness. Us, who will embrace it all.
Eventually, there will be a time when one of us will have to go. I will request that my bones be finely grated to be returned back to you, water, so we can meet once again. I want to remain in your omnipotence, and feel your warmth hen the sun gazes down at noon. I want to sink deep inside you, becoming the nourishment of your being. And maybe, if I’m lucky, you will turn me into a round iridescent pearl. I will become a treasure at the hands of your guidance and persistence.
My last wish is that someone finds me, that someone finds us. I wish for someone to take the jewel and turn it into memorabilia of love, a symbol of what it means to be alive. In that moment, we will be infinite.
Unapologetic Mess 